As parents, we all want to raise children who listen, follow rules, and express their emotions in healthy ways. But what’s the best way to help toddlers grow into cooperative and emotionally regulated kids? A recent study offers a powerful reminder: you don’t need to be harsh to be effective. In fact, warmth alone can go a long way.
Let’s explore what the study found and why it matters for you and your toddler.
(Listen to this summary as a podcast here.)
What Is Power-Assertive Discipline?
Power-assertive discipline is a parenting approach that uses control, force, or pressure to get a child to comply. This can look like physically taking a toy away, using firm commands without explanation, or raising your voice when a child isn’t listening. It’s based on the idea that toddlers will learn to behave better through consequences or by being made to comply in the moment.
This approach might seem effective in the short term—it can stop the behavior quickly—but research is showing that it may come at a cost. Toddlers are in the early stages of learning how to manage their emotions and impulses. Using power to get them to behave doesn’t teach emotional regulation—it often triggers fear, confusion, or even defiance.
What Is Parental Warmth?
Parental warmth, on the other hand, includes showing affection, using a soft and supportive tone, acknowledging your child’s feelings, smiling, and offering comfort—even while setting limits. Warmth doesn’t mean letting your child get away with everything. It means offering structure and guidance in a way that’s emotionally safe and nurturing.
Examples of warmth include:
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Getting down to your child’s eye level when talking
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Saying “I know it’s hard to stop playing” before guiding them to the next activity
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Hugging your child after a meltdown
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Remaining calm and using soft tones when setting a limit
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Smiling and using positive reinforcement when they cooperate
Warmth builds trust, safety, and connection—all things toddlers need to learn how to manage their emotions and behavior.
What Did the Study Look At?
In this 2023 study, researchers wanted to understand how maternal power-assertive discipline and maternal warmthinteract when it comes to toddlers’ emotional responses and behavior—specifically their emotional reactivity (how upset or distressed they get) and noncompliance (refusal to follow rules or directions).
They followed 100 toddlers and their mothers over time. The researchers observed real-life parent–child interactions during play and clean-up situations. They looked at how mothers used discipline and how much warmth they showed, then analyzed how the toddlers behaved in emotionally challenging tasks.
In simple terms, they asked:
Does a parent’s warmth reduce the negative effects of using strict discipline? And can warmth alone lead to better behavior?
What Did the Study Find?
The findings were clear—and incredibly helpful for parents:
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Power-assertive discipline without warmth led to more emotional reactivity in toddlers. That means toddlers were more likely to become upset, overwhelmed, or dysregulated when their parent used harsh discipline.
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When warmth was present, even if discipline was used, toddlers showed less emotional distress. Warmth seemed to soften the impact of strict discipline and helped children stay more emotionally regulated.
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Perhaps the most surprising finding? Warmth alone—without the use of harsh or controlling discipline—helped toddlers become more compliant. In other words, toddlers were more likely to listen and follow directions when their parent was emotionally warm, even if they weren’t using forceful discipline.
Why This Matters for Parents
Many parents believe that toddlers need strict discipline to “learn how to behave.” But this study challenges that assumption. It shows that emotional connection is not just nice to have—it’s essential. It can be more effective than force when it comes to getting young children to cooperate.
Warmth creates a foundation of trust and emotional safety. When your toddler feels seen, heard, and supported—even when they’re upset—they’re more likely to stay regulated and respond to your guidance. Discipline without connection may get quick results, but it doesn’t help children develop the internal tools they need for long-term emotional and behavioral growth.
This study reminds us that the tone we use, the way we respond in hard moments, and how we show up emotionally for our children has a real impact on their ability to handle stress and follow rules.
What You Can Do at Home
Here are a few ways you can bring more warmth into your parenting—even when you’re setting limits:
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Take a deep breath before responding to misbehavior. This gives you a moment to choose calm over control.
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Use your child’s name and make eye contact when giving directions.
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Acknowledge feelings: “I know you really wanted that toy. It’s hard when we can’t have what we want.”
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Offer comfort after a boundary: “I’m still going to say no, but I’m right here with you.”
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Celebrate cooperation: “Thank you for helping clean up! That was really helpful.”
Reflection Questions for Parents
If you want to reflect on how you’re using warmth and discipline at home, try asking yourself:
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When I correct my child, do I also offer emotional connection?
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Do I expect immediate compliance, or am I patient as they learn?
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How do I show warmth during daily routines?
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Do I believe that kindness and limits can coexist?
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to choose between being loving and setting boundaries. This study shows that being warm, kind, and emotionally available is not only good for your toddler’s heart—it’s good for their behavior, too.
You are your child’s safe place and guide. When you discipline with warmth, you’re not just stopping a behavior—you’re teaching emotional resilience, cooperation, and trust. And that’s something that lasts far beyond the toddler years.
