5 top parenting tips I learned from studying neuroscience

Written by Cindy Hovington, Ph.D. Founder of Curious Neuron and Co-Founder of Wondergrade LLC

When I first launched the Curious Neuron blog, all posted about child development because I thought they would thrive if parents had this info. At that time I had a newborn and a 22-month-old. Was I ever wrong! I was NOT thriving and I learned that I had lots to learn (and my doctorate in neuroscience wasn’t helping me!). First, I learned that a large part of parenting advice falls back on us, the parent. Not in a way that we have to remember a specific script when speaking to our kids, rather, it is about how we take care of ourselves and how we perceive our abilities.

Second, there isn't a parenting playbook. Some people around you might have suggestions or opinions based on experience, but in the end, you need to figure out what's best for you and your child. Every parent is different, they bring their own past into the picture and their own strengths and challenges. Every child is also different and as parents, we need to learn how to understand them and be attuned to them. As parents, we need to be mindful of that. We can't all parent the same way but we can all have the same goals for our kids: to create an environment for them that will give them the best possible future.

My confidence and self-compassion matter:

Studies suggest that non-judgmental acceptance of our own functioning as a parent. When we have self-compassion, it becomes easier to feel compassionate for our kids (Geurtzen et al. J Child Fam Stud 2014.)

A tantrum is not "bad behavior":

In fact, try replacing the word "tantrum" with the emotion your child is experiencing at that moment. A tantrum is an emotion...a BIGGGG emotion. It is a child's way of saying "I don't know what to do with this emotion" or "I am missing a skill in this situation". Emotions are a sign of dysregulation of our nervous system. When your child is upset or dysregulated, how can you help them regulate and calm their system?

Emotion regulation is a skill I need to teach and model for my child:

When our children lose control of their emotions very often, it can be a sign that a child needs to learn emotion regulation skills. This skill is highly influenced by how WE model our emotions, our parenting style, and how we regulate emotions with our partner/adult in our home. The work starts with us.

Parenting is about the big picture, not the small things:

We often worry about the little things as parents, but it is more about the bigger picture (aka consistency). Are we yelling at our kids once in a while or multiple times per day? Try making a list of parenting behaviors you would like to change (the ones you repeat every day) to help you identify ways to work on your parenting.

To become the parent I want to be, I need to work on myself first:

Our mental health matters. If you are a parent working on your mental health, make a list of what your own needs are and whom you can call for help. Even if it is a daily chat with someone to talk about your day, make sure you have a game plan written down. Your needs matter and getting the support you need can help you take care of your child's needs.

Thanks for being part of this amazing community. I don't thank you enough! Recently, I have been receiving lots of beautiful DMs from parents thanking me for creating Curious Neuron. The more I chat with all of you, the more I get to know you and create content to help you out.

Say hello below in the comments and let me know how I can support your parenting journey or how Curious Neuron has helped you!

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