Written by Rachel de Barros Oliveira, Ph.D. Candidate McGill University

We spent the last posts talking about overprotective parents (post 1 and post 2). How to recognize, and why this type of parenting can be a problem for child development (especially during adolescence).

Today we will talk about tips on Dos and Don’ts according to science.

One of the first important things that every article talks about is giving responsibilities and freedom according to each child's developmental stage. So, when can you start?

Well, the good news is that you can start at any time. You only need to be mindful of what is right for each age. Here are some examples of things that you shouldn’t do:

Assist a child with toileting, dressing, and feeding – when the child already can do that autonomously.
Prevent a child to play a sport for fear of them being hurt – when the child can play with friends in a safe environment.
Prohibit interactions between your child and other children – when you think only your interaction with them is enough.

When we overprotect our children, we limited their ability to train and master important skills for life as:

Independence;
Risk assessment and responsibility;
Self-regulation

Some might say “Well, but I am just trying to protect my child. With everything going on outside, it’s better if they are here, safe with me”. And while this scenario might be true for some parents, we all should remember that “The level of protection should match the level of actual risk”.

So, what can you do to help your child? You can avoid being an overprotective parent by simply following these steps:

Assess the risk level and the child's age. Can your child understand the risks?
Take a time to think if what they want/ are asking is something that goes against your family values and/or your religious beliefs. If that is the case, talk with them and explain that.
If they are asking for something that you are not ready to give (a responsibility or even a different degree of freedom), make a list of things that are important for them to accomplish/ understand before they can go to the next step. Start small.
Try to argue and understand the reason. Sometimes we can look at a different angle and come up with a commitment on both sides.
Don’t forget that you are also human and sometimes is hard to see them growing up. Try to be mindful of this and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Some professionals can help you to improve communication with your child.

Remember that just because they are ready to take a risk, doesn’t mean that they will do everything in the best way possible (according to our judgment). Our job as parents is to teach them to be independent of us, but always remind them that, no matter what, we will always be there.

What is the most challenging thing when it comes to overparenting? Do you try to assess the situation or do you only respond in the automatic mode?

Hope this series of posts made you think about the risks of overprotective parenting and that you can apply some of the tips with your kids.

5 ways to avoid being an overprotective parent