Emotion regulation, or the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in adaptive ways, is one of the most important skills that children develop in their early years. The process begins at birth and continues to evolve as children grow, becoming more complex and refined by the time they reach five years old. This skill is fundamental not only for a child’s emotional well-being but also for their social interactions and academic success. Let’s explore the developmental stages of emotion regulation from birth to age five.
How Emotion Regulation Develops in Early Childhood
Emotion regulation begins at birth, but infants and young children rely heavily on caregivers to help them manage their emotions. Babies, for instance, have very limited ways to regulate their feelings and depend on caregivers to soothe them when they are upset. During infancy, when babies cry, parents typically respond by holding, rocking, or feeding them, which helps them calm down. This external regulation provided by caregivers lays the foundation for emotion regulation in later years. The emotional security that comes from consistent and responsive caregiving is critical for a child’s ability to manage emotions in the future.
As children enter toddlerhood, between the ages of one and three, their ability to regulate their emotions becomes more evident, though it is still in its early stages. Toddlers begin to experiment with simple self-soothing strategies, such as seeking comfort from a parent or a favorite object. However, their language skills are still developing, and they often struggle to express their feelings, which can result in tantrums. The emotional highs and lows during this period are common as toddlers learn to navigate frustration and excitement.
By the time children reach preschool age, from three to five years old, their emotional regulation skills become more sophisticated. They start to use language to express their emotions and can begin to employ basic cognitive strategies, such as taking deep breaths or removing themselves from stressful situations. While preschoolers are more aware of social norms surrounding emotional expression, they still rely on the guidance of caregivers to help them refine these skills.
Scientific Insights on Emotion Regulation
Recent research offers valuable insights into how emotion regulation develops in young children. In a 2018 study, Holochwost et al. explored the impact of early parent-child interactions on the development of emotion regulation. The researchers found that children who experienced higher levels of positive engagement from their caregivers demonstrated better emotional control by preschool age. This finding underscores the importance of nurturing, responsive parenting in shaping children’s emotional development.
Similarly, Zhou et al. (2017) explored the neurological aspects of emotion regulation, revealing how the maturation of the prefrontal cortex is essential for managing emotions. The study found that children’s developing executive functions—such as impulse control and attention—are closely linked to their emotional regulation abilities. This brain development, paired with supportive environments, allows children to better manage their emotional responses as they grow.
Another relevant study by McRae et al. (2020) expanded on the Tripartite Model of Parental Socialization, which explains how parents’ emotional expressiveness, reactions to their children’s emotions, and emotion coaching influence a child’s emotional skills. Parents who actively teach their children how to understand and cope with their emotions through methods such as labeling emotions, validating feelings, and offering coping strategies, tend to raise children who are better at regulating their own emotions. The study emphasized that both the quality of parental guidance and the parents’ own emotional regulation abilities significantly affect children’s emotional development.
Factors That Can Negatively Impact Emotion Regulation
While most children have the potential to develop strong emotion regulation skills, certain factors can hinder this development. Inconsistent caregiving, for example, can create an insecure attachment between a child and their caregiver, which in turn negatively impacts the child’s ability to regulate emotions. Children who do not receive consistent emotional support may struggle to calm down or manage distressing feelings.
Parental stress is another factor that can influence the development of a child’s emotion regulation. When parents experience high levels of stress or emotional instability, they may find it difficult to provide the responsive care that children need to regulate their emotions. Research shows that children who grow up in stressful environments are more likely to experience emotional difficulties and may struggle with self-regulation.
Additionally, harsh discipline or punitive parenting can exacerbate emotional dysregulation in children. When parents respond to their child’s emotional outbursts with anger or punishment, it can make it harder for the child to learn healthy strategies for managing their emotions. Instead of feeling supported in learning how to navigate difficult feelings, children may internalize negative emotions or express them in inappropriate ways.
The Role of Parental Emotion Regulation
Parents’ own emotion regulation skills are also crucial in shaping their child’s emotional development. According to the Tripartite Model of Parental Socialization, parents serve as emotional role models for their children. When parents manage their own emotions in healthy ways, such as staying calm during stressful situations or using problem-solving strategies, children are more likely to adopt similar approaches. On the other hand, parents who struggle with emotional regulation may unintentionally pass these difficulties on to their children, as children often mirror the behaviors they observe in their caregivers.
How Parents Can Support the Development of Emotion Regulation Skills
There are several practical ways parents can support their child’s development of emotion regulation:
- Create a Safe and Responsive Environment: Be consistently available to comfort and support your child when they are upset. Responding to their emotional needs helps them feel secure and teaches them that emotions can be managed in a healthy way.
- Model Healthy Emotion Regulation: Show your child how to handle emotions by managing your own in positive ways. For example, if you’re feeling stressed, take a deep breath and calmly explain how you’re feeling, which teaches your child that emotions are natural and manageable.
- Teach Emotional Vocabulary: Help your child identify and label their emotions by talking about them openly. For example, if your child is upset, you can say, “I see that you’re feeling frustrated because your toy won’t work.” This helps children understand their emotions and begin to manage them.
- Encourage Problem-Solving: Guide your child in finding solutions when they are upset. Ask them, “What can we do to make this better?” This fosters a sense of agency and helps children learn that emotions can be navigated with constructive actions.
- Practice Emotion Regulation Strategies: Introduce simple strategies like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break when emotions run high. Practicing these techniques during calm moments makes it easier for children to apply them when they are upset.
Conclusion
The development of emotion regulation in children from birth to five years is a complex but critical process that sets the stage for future emotional well-being. By understanding the developmental stages and using strategies supported by scientific research, parents can foster a nurturing environment that helps their children learn how to manage emotions effectively. With consistent support, children can build the emotion regulation skills they need to thrive in life.
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Relates episode on the Curious Neuron Podcast:
- Embracing self-kindness with Dr. Kristen Neff (here)
- Was my child misbehaving or was it my lack of emotional coping skills (here)
- The importance of giving children permission to feel with Dr Marc Brackett (here)
- A parent’s guide to understanding their child’s emotional development with Dr. Amanda Sheffield Morris (here)
- How to raise resilient children with Dr. Bruce Perry (here)
