Research summary of: Miragoli S, Milani L, Di Blasio P, Camisasca E. Difficulties in emotion regulation in child abuse potential: Gender differences in parents. Child Abuse Negl. 2020 Aug;106:104529.
How often do parents really maltreat their children?
In 2021, 4 million reports of child maltreatment were filed in the USA. 90.6% of those victims were maltreated by a parent (American SPCC).
Knowing how often child maltreatment happens within the home really makes me question why? What is going on that leads to parents acting out on their children?
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Why do parents maltreat their children?
Of course, there is no specific answer to this question. A very common reason that maltreatment occurs in the home, whether towards a child (child abuse/maltreatment) or a partner (intimate partner violence) is that there is a deficit in emotion regulation skills.
A 2020 study from Italy does a really great job of highlighting specific “reasons” that parents might be more at risk for maltreating their children.
In this study, 186 mothers and 110 fathers were given questionnaires to find out how they feel and react in many situations. Questions ranged from how unhappy they are, how often family fights happen, how confident they are in dealing with their emotions, how they control their emotions and actions when they are upset and how they continue on with their day if they have a negative feeling in the morning.
These questionnaires are used to better understand what kind of traits a person has that puts them at risk of maltreating their child and what aspects of emotion regulation they might be missing, that puts them at risk.
The researchers found that generally, fathers had a harder time naming their emotions, labeling what they are feeling and using words to describe an emotional experience. This is no surprise to me, since in our modern society, men are told to be strong all the time, not show their emotions and definitely don’t talk about their emotions.
Are some parents more at risk to maltreat their children?
Based on this study, parents who are more likely to maltreat their children have these traits in common:
- non-acceptance of emotional responses (suppressing their feelings and not accepting them)
- difficulty in distracting and performing alternative behaviors (having a hard time moving on with work or child care because of the emotions they feel)
- lack of confidence in their emotional regulation skills (not feeling confident that they know how to deal with their emotions and regulate themselves)
- difficulties controlling impulsive behaviors when distressed (having a hard time restraining behaviors like yelling, hitting, and throwing when they are upset)
- difficulties recognizing emotion (not being able to recognize, name and label emotions as they come up)
In addition to this list, at-risk fathers had a significantly harder time being emotionally aware (understanding how they feel and why they feel this way).
*It is important to note that these are not the only personality traits that parents who maltreat their children have, nor do ALL parents who maltreat their kids have these traits. It is also very important to think about a parent’s own childhood and consider other forms of trauma that a parent has experienced throughout their life in order to get a full picture of how at risk a person is to maltreat their child.
Is there anything we can do to help parents at risk of maltreating their children?
In fact, the answer here is yes.
This study found that there were specific dimensions of emotion dysregulation for each gender that were predictive of maltreatment.
For fathers, not knowing how to distract and perform alternative behaviors when upset and lacking emotional awareness were predictive of maltreatment.
- We can help fathers who display these traits by allowing them to feel their emotions, helping them recognize that emotions are coming up and help them name what emotions they are feeling. Through this process of learning, fathers can eventually become more comfortable with feeling their emotions and learn new skills to regulate themselves.
For mothers, not accepting their emotions and suppressing them, not knowing how to distract and perform alternative behaviors when upset and not controlling their impulses were predictive of maltreatment.
- We can help mothers who display these traits by helping them focus on being mindful of their emotions and feelings, without judging them, which means accepting the emotions for what they are without labeling them are good or bad emotions.
How is this linked to our child’s behavior?
The authors of this paper remind us that many studies have compared low-risk parents to high-risk parents and that high-risk parents often fail to adequately interpret their child’s behaviors. Rather than seeing it as communication or emotional needs or being sensitive towards their child’s emotional dysregulation, these parents often misinterpret it as hostile or that the child is intentionally trying to anger or annoy the parent. These high-risk maltreatment parents will experience more stress because of this.
Overall, mindfulness can really help parents become more aware of their emotions, it can be used as a healthy coping mechanism when difficult emotions come up (i.e. take a deep breathe and notice how each part of your body feels), and acts as a distracting behavior that will allow for a moment of pause before a harsh reaction.
