Presented by: Yehudis Smith M.S. Ed. Author of Rethinking Discipline and Founder of ImaginED. (This interview was part of our Family Meeting.)
This week, I had the pleasure of chatting with Yehudis Smith. She is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to conscious parenting. I recently read her book, Rethinking Discipline and I absolutely loved it. It is easy to navigate and implement. It reminds us that if we want to “change our children behaviour” it really isn’t about showing them “who is in control” or by yelling at them. It is about teaching them certain skills and tools. It is about connecting with them and setting healthy boundaries. I also interviewed Yehudis for the Curious Neuron Podcast. You can have a little HERE.
Have you ever said this to yourself, “All I do is repeat the same thing every day to my kids and NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!”. I feel ya! As a mom of 3, I have those days. In this interview, Yehudis outlines 3 steps we can all take to get our children to listen more.
Example: Your child refuses to put their toys away.
STEP 1: Positive Intention. Describe what the child is doing in that moment.
- Look at what is happening with your child and calmly say what is happening. Example: Instead of saying over and over again “CLEAN UP”, you can say “ Wow, I see that your are working on building this big LEGO tower”. It shows them that you have noticed them. You are placing yourself in their shoes.
- You are communicating to them that “I understand you”.
Step 2: Set the limit or set the expectations
- Continuing with the example Oh I can see you are working hard on this castle, but it is time to clean up because we have an early morning and you need to get to bed.
- I get you, I understanding you, and you assertively. You don’t yell and you are also not passive.
- You are reminding them of rule or boundary for them.
- You don’t want to give them the choice. If you give a child the choice of cleaning up or going to bed the obvious answer will be no! You set the limit and you use an assertive tone.
Step 3: Give 2 positive choices
- Regardless of their age, 2 years old or 16, they usually don’t listen because they want their autonomy.
- In the example of a child not wanting to clean up there toys, the 2 choices you would give are “It is time to clean up, you have a choice. You can either clean up your LEGO’s first or your blocks.”
- Another example if your child doesn’t want to take a bath you can say “You can either hop like a bunny to the bath or skip to the bath”.
Listen to the full interview for more examples and tips!
