As a parent, you may feel pressured to keep your child busy at all times. Afterall, “an idle mind is the devil’s playground.” But signing your child up for numerous activities, filling their schedule, keeps your child from experiencing the healthy and normal state of boredom.
“Boredom allows space for kids to problem solve, get creative, and engage in healthy forms of play,” says Amanda Be, Licensed Masters Social Worker, Outpatient Therapist at Supportive Counseling. “Help children understand that boredom is a feeling they can cope with in healthy ways.”
Why Boredom Is So Important For Children
A recent study revealed that those with a greater tendency to avoid or escape boredom were more likely to deal with both adaptive and maladaptive behaviors, the latter of which could include temper tantrums, disruptions in school, or difficulty with emotional regulation. Boredom proneness was also shown to overlap with poor self-control, suggesting that those who are unable to keep themselves occupied during quiet or solo time may be more likely to act out or exhibit aggression.
According to Be, “Children who need constant stimulation and are unable to tolerate downtime can develop issues with dysregulation, attention issues, and hyperactive behaviors.”
“Too many activities work against a child’s learning to engage with the world on their own terms,” says Tovah P. Klein, PhD, Director of Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, Associate Professor of Psychology, and author of How Toddlers Thrive. “By stepping back and doing less planned or structured activities, parents give children a chance to think for themselves, come up with ideas and value them, and make decisions about what they want to do.”
Like adults, children enjoy planning for themselves and then jumping into a task and feeling competent doing it, Dr. Klein explains. Boredom also gives children time to pause, take a break, regroup, and think about whatever they want.
Four Ways To Build Your Child’s Resilience To Boredom
When your child complains of boredom, you may be tempted to turn on the TV, hand over your phone, or sacrifice your own time to entertain. Instead, remind your child that “it’s okay” and “this can happen.” Even if they’re complaining, help them understand that this temporary discomfort is normal.
“Resilience comes from handling a moment or feeling that does not feel so good. Boredom can fall into this category,” says Dr. Klein. When you give your child time to be bored, they learn to value downtime and this is where curiosity and creativity can blossom. Habits start young, she explains, so it’s important to instill this lesson early.
Here are four ways to encourage more downtime.
Maintain A Schedule, So Your Child Knows What To Expect
The structure a child needs is found in daily routines, not planned activities, Dr. Klein explains. This includes school, mealtimes, bedtimes, and other day-to-day events. Home should be a place where they can pull away from these pre-planned activities and decompress. To make it easier, Be says, you can give your child advance notice of this time so they can better prepare for it and think proactively about what they’d want to do.
Have “Boredom Bags” Or Suggestions Ready
These don’t have to be bags, necessarily, but Be suggests having pre-planned activities available, along with the supplies needed for them. This could include playdough, art supplies, puzzles, blocks, or outside games. When the child complains about boredom, you can give them a few options that might interest them. This can also be tailored to the child’s preferences. One child might be more active than another, for instance.
Introduce Your Child To Mindfulness
Boredom is inevitable, especially in the school setting. Your child won’t enjoy every subject, but they should be able to stay focused, learn, and study without succumbing to boredom. Mindfulness – and being able to stay in the present moment – is a key predictor of boredom tolerance and academic diligence, according to a study of 1071 high school students. Being able to withstand boredom, as opposed to altering the experience (or seeking to escape it) can help students avoid procrastination, earn higher grades, and persist in school. As a parent, you can start with mindfulness exercises.
Rotate (Or Remove) Toys In Your Child’s Play Spaces
You probably have more toys and games than your child really needs. Dr. Klein suggests removing some – or giving them away – so the child has less options to choose from. “Cultivating boredom comes from having less stimulation and that includes the toys,” she says. You can also rotate toys in and out so your child only has access to a few at a time.
Let Your Child Figure It Out
As parents of young children you probably feel like you’re going, going, going at all times. The quiet, unscheduled time is needed for both you and your child.
These moments of “boredom” allow your child to “think without being directed, daydream, wonder, and use their imaginations,” says Dr. Klein. “It’s also a time to sit back, watch the world around them, and not to have to follow others’ directions or rules. Then, once they have decided on what to do, they can move forward, take ownership of their ideas, and get engaged on their own terms.”
Letting your child be uncomfortable and bored isn’t always easy, but it will benefit them in the long run. Eventually, your child may grow to appreciate these moments. At the very least, they will learn to think for themselves, which is beneficial for their self-esteem and independence.
