Why rough-and-tumble play with dad matters more than you think

When you picture a toddler tumbling on the floor with their dad—giggling, wrestling, and rolling around—it might just look like chaos. But this kind of physical play, known as Rough-and-Tumble Play (RTP), is a powerful force in your child’s development. A 2021 study by Jennifer StGeorge and colleagues explored how the quality and frequency of RTP between fathers and toddlers shapes emotional and social growth and the findings might surprise you.

Note: Are you struggling to connect with your child when you are tired? Listen to Dr. Hovington’s conversation with social-emotional expert, Karl Mercuri for FREE (click here for your free download of this audio) to learn how you can connect with your child and see a difference in their behaviour.

What Is Rough-and-Tumble Play?

RTP is a form of physical, energetic, and playful interaction that includes chasing, rolling, lifting, swinging, or light wrestling—often filled with laughter and joy. Unlike aggressive behaviour, RTP is grounded in trust, cooperation, and connection. “RTP incorporates the physical interaction elements of competition and cooperation… dominance and dominance swapping, playfulness, and positive emotion.”.  While both moms and dads engage in physical play, dads typically do so more vigorously, often with elements of excitement and risk, which uniquely stimulates a child’s development.

Although RTP has been shown to support self-regulation, social skills, and even reduce aggression in children, most studies have focused on older preschool-aged children (ages 3–5). Very little was known about RTP in toddlers (18–24 months) which is a critical window when social-emotional skills are just beginning to bloom.

This study aimed to understand:

• What factors (like stress, work hours, or child’s development) impact how well fathers engage in RTP

• Whether frequent play leads to better-quality play

• If the child’s age or emotional maturity influences RTP quality

Understanding these dynamics can help guide how we support dads in connecting with their little ones through physical play.

How they studied this:

Researchers worked with 64 father–toddler pairs, all with children aged 18–24 months. Here’s what the study involved:

• Fathers and toddlers participated in a lab-based play session, including a 7-minute segment dedicated to RTP.

• Researchers video-recorded and scored the quality of the play using a validated observational tool.

• Both parents filled out surveys on parenting stress, frequency of RTP, and the toddler’s emotional development.

• Toddlers were also assessed on cognitive, language, motor, and social-emotional skills using standardized developmental tools.

What they found:

Here’s what the researchers discovered:

1. More frequent RTP = higher quality play.
   When dads played more often with their kids, especially as reported by the mother, their RTP was more emotionally engaged, warm, and cooperative.

2. Older toddlers had better-quality RTP.
   As toddlers got closer to age 2, their motor and social skills helped them engage more meaningfully in the back-and-forth of RTP.

3. Children with stronger social-emotional development had better play quality.
   Kids who can self-regulate, express feelings, and take turns can co-create more playful and responsive interactions with their dads.

4. Dad’s age, income, work hours, and even parenting stress didn’t significantly impact RTP quality.
   In other words, play quality isn’t about how much time you have, it’s how you use it.

5. No difference was found between boys and girls in RTP quality.
   Despite cultural assumptions, toddlers of all genders benefited equally from high-quality rough-and-tumble play.

Takeaways for parents:

This study offers several insights for families, especially for fathers or caregivers who want to deepen their connection through play:

What Parents Can Learn:

• Small, frequent doses of RTP make a big difference. Even 5–10 minutes a day can strengthen your bond and support your child’s development.

• You don’t need to be a “perfect” dad, just an engaged one. Your energy, warmth, and willingness to be playful matter more than your background or schedule.

• Follow your child’s lead. Older toddlers and those with stronger emotional skills might be more ready to co-create meaningful, joyful play moments.

• Don’t worry about being silly. This kind of play helps kids learn self-control, take turns, and manage big emotions—skills that last a lifetime.

You don’t need special toys or a big space. Try:

• Rolling around on a soft carpet

• Pretending to be animals and gently “wrestling”

• Playing chase or light tickling with lots of giggles

• Letting your child “win” sometimes—and “lose” too

Remember: Play is communication. It’s how toddlers learn to trust, explore boundaries, and express love. “The warmth and cooperation that occur within high-quality RTP can help to build a strong father–child relationship.” — StGeorge et al., 2021

68% of parents do not enjoy playing pretend with their kids.

We polled our Instagram audience of 164k parents and 4,126 parents responded! Of these, 68% of parents said they did not enjoy playing pretend, so if you do not enjoy it, you are not alone!

Let’s reflect on this together.

We will be discussing playfulness and the importance of play at our weekly call inside The Reflective Parent Club (get 7 days free to try it out). We will be reflecting on what play looked like growing up, what stops us from being playful with our kids and what some realistic expectations are for ourselves (because sometimes we are hard on ourselves) when it comes to playing with our kid.

You can also listen to this podcast episode on Apple or Spotify, or watch it on YouTube below!

Do you want to join FREE monthly webinars with Curious Neuron to learn more about your emotional health and your child’s? All our preschool and pediatric partner’s get access to this. Email Cindy at info@curiousneuron.com to partner with Curious Neuron and get access to these webinars!